Greetings. Welcome to Sit Down, Shut Up, and Learn. Before continuing, please be aware of the following classroom rules:
1.) Please do not stick gum to the undersides of the widgets.
2.) Nobody wants to hear about how “first” you are. If you wouldn’t say it while volunteering for gorilla-fighting duty, you shouldn’t say it here.
3.) Passing notes via text hacking is unacceptable.
4.) We have a strict nondiscrimination policy. That being said, wealthy Nigerian princes are asked to limit inheritances to family and close friends only.
5.) Graffiti will not be tolerated. Trust us, paint is extremely difficult to remove from our LCD paneling.
6.) Be considerate. Mr. Bieber is recovering from an altercation with his hairdresser, which doctors say he will recover from when regaining a sense of taste.
7.) No pop culture references.
8.) Subtle hypocrisy will not be tolerated.
9.) Remember, all teachers are fallible. That does not mean, however, that I am.
If you follow these rules, I am sure we can all get along splendidly. Because, after all, knowledge is power. So go ahead, unplug your computer, and let the wisdom here contained power the machine indefinitely. It’ll work. Trust us.