The 86th Academy Awards are come and gone, and once again the media only focused on a select few out of the hundreds presented. The casual observer can easily forget the history and profound significance behind such awards as:
Best-Timed Background Lightning Effect
Used in ageless classics such as Clue and other movies including Clue, the background lightning effect is a precisely executed mix of light and sound that few can pull off. This year’s award went to Ernesto Cavallaro, who used wobbling sheet metal and strobe flashes to flawlessly illuminate the protagonist’s terrified face.
Best German dub.
Thousands of films, actors, actresses, and tech crews compete to determine which of them is Most.
The Stargazer® Celebrity Raffle
Every year, the Master of Ceremonies chooses one lucky fan to come on stage and meet their idols. Nobody knows who has the winning ticket. It could be you!
Werner Herzog Action Figure
A beloved “gag gift,” the Werner Herzog action figure is presented to the actor or actress generally considered the loser of that night’s festivities. This hilarious celeb in-joke requires the recipient to prominently display the action figure in their home to remind themselves of their immense shortcomings.
Most Realistic Portrayal of a Commoner
It can be hard for the Cruises and Annistons of Hollywood to portray an inner-city single parent or unemployed construction worker. This award honors the elite few who can pull it off.
Gold Star Award
You tried, buddy. Maybe things didn’t go exactly as you wanted, but you gave it your best and that’s all anyone can ask for.
Most Likely to Succeed
Of course Ricky Baobano won. I hear he got into Harvard and MIT.
Most Likely to Succeed in a Caged Death Match with a Lion
Though a crowd favorite, Hugh Jackman lost out this year to Dame Magghie Smith.
Actually Succeeded in a Caged Death Match with a Lion
It seems the Academy’s optimism was misguided.
Best Leonardo DiCaprio
Matthew McConaughey took this award home for his third straight year.