Eddie Rocket’s Is America

Eddie Rocket’s is a Johnny Rockets-themed restaurant. There’s no other way to put it. It’s not 50’s-themed. It’s not American-themed. It’s Johnny-themed.

Though bless its soul does it try.

Though bless its soul does it try.

The Eddie Rocket’s homepage is worth a thorough read, especially the page with “Eddie’s” biography. According to the website, the “curious case of Eddie Rocket” began 21 years ago in 1989, which goes to show just how often this site is updated. Eddie was born to Irish parents, but “always had an overwhelming obsession with fifties, feel good America.” He is also “fanatical about rockets, astronauts and Cape Canaveral.” The dear lad enjoys dispensing bits of wisdom, like this beautiful little nugget:

I’m not sure if he’s a Hitchcock star or a baboon in a suit.

If you’re dining with small children, don’t forget to check out Eddie’s kiddie coloring sheets, complete with advertisements for “Back to the Future’s” 2010 re-release.

“Oh, waitress, do you have any crayons and why are you locking the exits?”

Here’s the interior:

Credit where credit is due: That shade of red was probably used in at least one diner during the 1950s.

Credit where credit is due: That shade of red was probably used in at least one diner during the 1950s.

Now, you don’t usually go to Eddie Rocket’s for the food. It is honestly very good food, but it’s so expensive that many Irish have taken to calling the chain “Empty Pockets.” No, you go to Eddie Rocket’s for the experience.

And the comforting reassurances of fast-food affection.

And the comforting reassurances of fast-food affection.

Probably my favorite thing about the House of Ed is the menus. Apart from those little yellow bursts of joy up there, we have more of those fifties-ified faces in all manner of severe discomfort and/or the Kübler-Ross Five Stages of Grief:

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…and even more examples from their fabulous website:

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I completely, unequivocally love these.

Their wall art is impeccable:

I've seen enough charming obliviousness in Ireland to honestly wonder if these innuendos are intentional.

I’ve seen enough charming obliviousness in Ireland to honestly wonder if these innuendos are intentional.

Eddie Rocket’s might be as far from the fifties as a traditional Bavarian meadow dance, but damn if they’ve got one aspect down to a tee: Crippling paranoia. Seriously, just take a look at their napkins:

...and if you so much as mention the color red, we'll blacklist you! Ha, ha! Fifties!

…and if you so much as mention the color red, we’ll blacklist you! Ha, ha! Fifties!

I’m not just pulling at straws for comedic effect: Check out their wall-o-surveillance, cheerily displayed right next to the front door:

That screen at the top is a live feed of the bathrooms. Seriously.

That screen at the top is a live feed of the bathrooms. Seriously.

After rockin’ with the Rocket, everything – no matter how quaint or innocent – just feels wrong somehow.

"In fact, it would be better if you just didn't leave."

“In fact, it would be better if you just didn’t leave.”

But again, at least the food is good. If you don’t believe me, just ask their American celebrity fans “Miss Miley Cyrus” and “Mister Eminem.”  I’m sure they’ll back me up.

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I’d call it the best €11 I’ve ever spent but it was so much more expensive than that.

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3 responses to “Eddie Rocket’s Is America

  1. The staff at Johnny Rockets over here are required to dance and sing when a particular song plays on the jukebox. What a horrible job that is.

    • I’m pretty sure the Eddie Rocket’s folk are trained to roll their eyes and sarcastically mutter “Not this rubbish again” in that situation.

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