In Light of Recent Red Planet Landing, Google Unveils Street View: Mars
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CALIFORNIA – Following the successful landing of the rover Curiosity on Mars, search engine giant Google has announced plans to send its Street View team to the Red Planet.
Google Street View, first launched on Earth in 2007, is a massive exhibit of streets from around the world. Now, with an ever-increasing budget and the unexercised potential to dominate global finance in no fewer than seventeen different ways, Google plans to take its cameras to Mars.
“We feel that there is a global desire to stare at vast expanses of red,” said Google developer Ray Allegretti. “And who are we to deny that need?”
Citing an untapped market and the fiscal potential to do whatever the hell it pleased, Google said it was in the process of “putting together a crack team of space explorers – spaceplorers, you could call ‘em,” according to Allegretti.
Not everyone at Google is on board with the bold new idea, however.
Barbara Metzger, who turned down an invitation to photograph our neighboring planet, said, “Mars doesn’t even have streets. What are [the Superior Google Overlords] thinking?”
Metzger is described by co-workers as being a general killjoy, “like, in the worst sense,” according to programmer Ben Stimmes.
Stimmes and Allegretti are both on a short list of people Google may blast into the unknown depths of space in the near future, barring any unforeseen international sanctions or other legal wrangling. “It’s really exciting,” said Allegretti, presumably referring to the program in general, and not the moment when humanity finds out if Mars really does have sufficient air for survival. “I mean, who needs spacesuits, anyway?”
The Internet behemoth is currently accepting job applications from people who do not need to breathe, eat, or sleep.
CEO Larry Page was unavailable for comment, as his meeting with the Martian Ambassador regarding the privacy of his citizens ran longer than expected.