YesTour2012: Prisons for Giants, Falling Video Game Sky, and Shameful Hair

Hey, Xavier here. I suppose it’s about time to elaborate on those promises of elaboration I elaborated upon earlier. Specifically, the ones about what has been going on so far with Xavier Yes’s Whirlwind Tour of America. Well, just this week-end, we got back from Pennsylvania and New Jersey. Specifically, Philadelphia, Trenton, Lower Gwynedd, and some surrounding towns and cities. Have we got some stories for you.

The ride down was about as lovely as a twelve-hour bus ride could be, by which I mean we didn’t take Greyhound. When we arrived in Philly, the temperature was 30º hotter than when we left. That kinda sucked.


Temperature changes are not great for my hair.

 

While we struggled to acclimate ourselves to the change in temperature, we also had to find the station. Lucky for us, the station is hard to miss.


If you reach the giant chunk of fallen 16-bit sky, you’ve gone too far.
(Courtesy of Petrophoto)

 

30th Street Station is one of the most magnificent buildings I’ve ever found myself in. First off, their entrance room is at least six times as big as mine at home.


Give or take.

 

Outside are these massive columns that could only be the remnants of some ancient prison for giants.


“And then Olaf got shanked with a building.”

 


Skyscrapers are actually all that remain of an ancient prison initiation ritual.

 

We had some time to kill before our dear friend and host Lauren picked us up, so we decided to check out the food court.


“Overcompensating again, food court?”

 

It was comforting to see they had some of the same shops we do.


Stop stealing Vermont!

 

Some, however, were a bit different. Their KFC was totally different, in that they actually had one.

30th Street Station is full of all kinds of really interesting statues and sculptures. For example, this thing:


It’s called Spirit of Transportation, because it’s hard and never goes anywhere.

 


And here we have the famous There’s Totally Not a Hidden Doorway Beneath This Clock.

 

At the opposite end of the enormous room from where I entered stands this memorial to “The men and women of the Pennsylvania Railroad who laid down their lives for our country”:


We used them as railroad ties.

 

Eventually, Lauren came and picked us up, and we were off to collect another friend, whom I shall refer to as “Mitnik” (mostly because that’s his name).

To be continued….

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