Extreme Makeovers: Grandfather Edition

I just watched my new favorite show – Extreme Makeovers: Grandfather Edition. It’s pretty awesome. The intro is this guy’s voice proclaiming, “Extreme Makeovers: Grandfather Edition – Because all the other ideas were taken.” Then the host comes on screen, and announces the day’s featured old man. Today was Barry Goldman, who had to correct the host when he called him Very Oldman. It was an honest mistake, I’m sure, but for some reason, Barry got really offended. Then he fell asleep on the floor.

When the set crew was finally able to wake Barry up, he grumbled and got into the special makeover chair. The chair is Victorian – to make the old men feel at home – and has padding on the headrest in case they fall asleep. It also has a built-in prune pudding cup holder. The show has been accused of stereotyping elderly gentlemen, but it’s really all in good fun. The host says so, so it must be true.

After Barry had been secured in the chair, the makeover team got to work on him. They trimmed his nose and ear hairs first. Then they trimmed his arm hairs, leg hairs, and balding head hairs. They started to trim his facial hairs, but he protested and fended them off with a tennis ball. Then he cackled maniacally and fell asleep.

By the time the set crew realized Barry had not fallen asleep, but could rather use an ambulance, they had given him nice French nails and a new Hawaiian-shirt wardrobe. He was the best-looking guy in the geriatric ward. He’s fine now, but they plan to stage the follow-up show in the hospital anyway. Barry has since filed a lawsuit and bought some handsome khaki trousers to go with his new shirts. I can’t wait for the next episode, when the host will make a surprise visit to John McCain’s house.

Until next time, this is Xavier Yes. Stay classical, just like the music I’ve been told all old men listen to.

(Readers should note that not all old men listen to classical music, and that this entire concept is horribly stereotypical. Just like reality TV.)


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