Why the World Would Be a Better Place if We All Just Got Along

I absolutely detest hating things. Why anyone would be so stupid as to hate anything is beyond me. I mean, honestly? You really want to spend the rest of your life hating on cabbage? Why? What a waste of time.

If you hate things, I must say that you’re an idiot. Nobody should hate things. It’s pointless. When you hate something, it hates you, and that can’t have any good results. As Yoda says in Star Wars, “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to organized crime.” He’s wise, so he knows. If you were almost a thousand years old, you’d know things, too. All my wisdom I learned from Star Wars. Is that so wrong? Hey, shut up. Talk to the lightsaber.

Okay, wise guy. I suppose you’re perfect, and don’t hate anything? Well, jolly good for you. I loathe the likes of you. You people who think you’re so perfect. Who think you’ve got nothing to hate. It disgusts me. Everyone hates something. Except for me. I’m perfect. So there.

Oh, so you want more? You do? All right, you Heavens-to-Betsy elephant fool. Oh, you don’t like being called that? Well, neither do I. But that’s the only thing we have in common. That and the fact that we’re human. Beat that. With a large alarm clock.

All right, fine. You win. This time. But your comment about my choice of footwear was totally uncalled for. So, anyway… You wanna go to the Greenpeace meeting with me tonight?

Until next time, this is Xavier Yes. Stay classical, you jerk.


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